The Best Part of Waking Up: Coffeeeeee


The Best Part of Waking Up [besides all your new Instagram notifications]

There’s nothing as intoxicating as the scent of fresh-brewed coffee. Okay, maybe the Nordstrom annual sale? Poor coffee; it gets a REALLY bad drip (ha ha ha). Everyone now equates hedonism with sin; that just because coffee is yummy/addictive, it’s “bad for you.” I’m here to shatter this mug of hate. COFFEE IS YOUR FRIEND.

  1. Coffee is chock full of antioxidants; potent chemicals that prevent/mediate cell damage. Cell damage = aging, obesity, diabetes, autoimmune disease, heart disease, cancer, etc. Coffee is adept at controlling blood sugar, possibly preventing neurodegeneration (although I couldn’t tell you where my car keys are at any given moment), abating liver disease.
  2. Coffee keeps things moving. As a natural smooth muscle relaxant, coffee keeps your tummy, er, mobile. Many women fear public bathrooms/going to the bathroom at work (I, myself, abandoned this fear after having to drive to and from Gainesville [Go Gators] 800 times/year. Miss ya, Florida’s Turnpike reststops) so coffee is an excellent method to ensure you can go according to your schedule (the effect is almost immediate).
  3. Coffee is an ergogenic aid. It makes you exercise harder better faster and stronger, like Kanye. You’ll have a better memory (temporarily), more energy, better reaction times, and you won’t be tempted to roar at anyone on the street in a coffee-less rage (nobody talk to my mom before her coffee if you plan on retaining all of your limbs).
  4. Coffee has shown modest, though clinically insignificant, effects on increasing metabolism and therefore may help with weight loss.
  5. Coffee has MINERALS AND SHIZZ. Magnesium, riboflavin, niacin, and panthothenic acid. It’s basically a gold mine.
  6. Coffee has, like, 5 calories per cup. No carbs. No sadness.

Where you may run into a mudslide (of coffee) is when we talk about what you ADD into the coffee. After speaking with a coffee connoisseur at Cafe Curuba in Coral Gables (btw, they have vegan energy bars and gluten/dairy-free polenta chocolate cake TO DIE FOR), she was almost offended by folks adulterating their coffee with anything other than ice. In her opinion, a REAL coffee is so robust and exquisite that it doesn’t require milk or sugar. I tend to agree, but I realize that some people simply cannot handle the black ESSENCE in its rawest form.

If you’re going to add anything to coffee, make it be a modest amount (¼ cup – ½ cup) of unsweetened almond/brazil nut/cashew/hemp milk, organic 2% milk, anti-inflammatory spices like cinnamon and cardamom, and either stevia drops or raw sugar (1 packet = 16 calories and 4 grams of sugar. I promise you won’t die).

We should also discuss portion control, as with everything in our diets. 1 cup of coffee? Fine. Two? Fine. Three? Eeeehhhhh. Having too much caffeine can disrupt your sleep, even if you haven’t drank any close to bedtime, because since caffeine is a drug with a half-life, it takes time to be fully metabolized. Too much coffee can displace water in your diet, and tends to act as a mild diuretic and leave you dehydrated. I like to double fist my coffee with water (alternating sips of each) to make sure I’m staying hydrated. The heart arrythmia business has been largely disproven, but I don’t recommend drinking coffee if you’re anxious. You’ll be shaking like a salt shaker. My sister once accidentally drank an ENTIRE colada [this is equivalent to, like, 4-5 espressos] because she didn’t realize it was meant for sharing (like, why did they give me all these tiny white cups with my espresso shot?) and was twitching for hours. #GringaFail.

Caffeine can also cause indigestion if you have a stomach condition, IBS, or are recovering from any stomach illness/alcohol hangover. It’s probably best to avoid during pregnancy or if you’re trying to “reset” your diet [I hate the word “CLEANSE”]. Just some words of caution.

Other than that, I’ll be at Cafe Curuba with my cold-pressed brew and avocado toast on the reg, fillin’ up on antioxidants and stalking the dogs walking by outside.

Essentially Yours,