Juice is for Babies

The most impressive food trend that can be owed entirely to marketing of the last five years is undoubtedly juicing. Juicing involves liquefying fresh fruit and vegetables, either by extracting the juice or including the whole fruit/vegetable [sans peel] for a bit thicker variety. Either way you squeeze it, juicing is a HUGE ploy as far as any “detox” or “cleansing” effects, it’s not nutritious, and it’s downright dangerous, and here’s why:

  1. Blood sugar rollercoaster = not as fun as Dueling Dragons at Universal Studios. When you drink a concentrated source of sugar, like juice, your blood sugar skyrockets, your pancreas secretes insulin to save the day, and then comes the crash. You’ll feel like juice pulp afterward, (people often end up fainting/sustaining head injuries from dramatic drops in blood sugar) you won’t be full because our bodies don’t register liquid calories as well as solid calories relating to satiety, and over time, you can become sensitive to your own insulin which causes diabetes and other derangements in metabolism/makes it very hard to lose weight.
  2. It’s expensive. A SINGLE juice can range from about eight to almost 20 dollars. An entire “cleanse”? HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS. You could by SO much bountiful fresh or frozen organic, whole produce with that. Or buy Madeleine (the official Essence Nutrition dog) a new outfit. Or buy ME a new outfit.
  3. It’s treacherous for your teeth. I’ve spoken to some dentists. They’re downright thrilled with the juicing trend. A pure sugar waterfall wash on teeth = breeding ground for Streptococcus Mutans, the bacteria that cause cavities = more business.
  4. After a day, or two, or three, of only drinking juice.. you’re depriving your body of vital protein and amino acids it cannot produce itself to support your everyday metabolic functions. You know what goes first when we don’t eat protein? Muscle mass. You know what goes last? Fat. You may feel light as a feather/stiff as a board, but that’s mostly a sugar high, a result of being sufficiently hydrated, and you’ll be STARVIN’ like Marvin when you do finally return to the land of the living and reintroduce solid, nutritious foods. And guess what? Rebound weight, which will likely return as FAT mass.
  5. Many methods of juicing do not preserve the fiber of the fruit. The part that slows down blood sugar spikes and crashes, promotes healthy transit time (read: happy poo lifestyle), binds cholesterol in your body, and leaves you full and satisfied after meals. Why would you sacrifice fiber? I got that fiberless, fiberless sadness.
  6. Fact check: there’s no such thing as “detoxing” or “cleansing”, especially related to juice. You have a liver and you have kidneys that do a fabulous job of metabolizing and removing potentially harmful metabolic byproducts and chemicals from your body. Nothing you ingest is going to cleanse you. Take a shower. Drink some water. Happy kidneys will result.

Sure, an occasional smoothie (with some fat and protein; try vegan protein powders, organic nut butters, seeds, nuts, oats, etc.) can be a refreshing and healthy snack or meal option. But leave the juicy to our revered sweatpants of the early 2000s (#juicycouture4life)

Oh and about the title of this blog? You know where juice belongs? NOT EVEN in sippy cups. That’s right. There’s NO reason healthy toddlers/children should be drinking juice (unless they’re on a medically mandated clear liquid diet, or post-surgery, etc.). In fact, I used to campaign for my the pediatric hospital where I worked to become a “juice-free” facility. Epic fail. Go outside, pluck an orange from our native Miami fertile trees, and EAT it, don’t drink it.

One more thing: juice is acceptable in mimosas. Duh. (Fresh squeezed, organic, s’il vous plait). See my “Drink Me” post on healthy alcohol consumption HERE.

Essentially Yours (and drinking water),