Night Owl Noms

guide to late night snacking

Late Night Bites

Lezzbehonest. We are young, heartache to heartache, and we like to go out. Sometimes, even quite late. Even though How I Met Your Mother taught us that nothing good happens after 2 AM, we tend to forget that that includes a feeding frenzy after our nocturnal adventures of eating an entire Papa John’s pizza, or a foot-long sub from La Sandwicherie (Oye, Miami peeps), 18 bowls of Cap’n Crunch, an entire roll of oreos, 4 string cheeses, a pan of brownies, etc. How did I amass such a specific list? Uhhh.. I… don’t… err…I.. DID RESEARCH. Lord, I miss Gainesville.

It’s even possible to overdo it on a GOOD thing. Favorite story: my sister had just started dating her extremely hungry boyfriend. It was one of the first times he stayed the night at her college apartment. They came home from the bars, she went to bed, but young Jonathan rummaged in the pantry and ate THREE of her roommate’s Kind bars. Lo and behold, the morning sun brought a very puzzled roommate (lacking three Kind Bars, mysteriously), and a very fibrous Jonathan (he ate the equivalent of, like, a tree trunk’s worth of fiber). It ended happily, because everyone is still friends/dating, but let this be a lesson to ye: drunk binges on nut bars are still binges. Jonathan still owes Ali $5.94 in Kind Bar reparations.

Here’s the dilemma: you had dinner at 6-8 PM, ish, but you go to bed 7-12 hours later, and you’re starvin like Marvin. Do you fight the instinct to munch, and then wake up RAVENOUS, and over eat? Sniff. Or, do you let the demon out at 3 AM and eat an entire bag of Tostito’s with a Hint of Lime, but then wake up with a food hangover? Dramaz.

I say, it is always better to have nommed and lost than to never have nommed at all. The key is to anticipate this, and all future nutrition situations, with your favorite dietitian (moi) at the helm. Here are some late night munches that won’t leave you waking up feeling like couch pizza:

  • Oatmeal. Seriously. It’s hot, it’s creamy, and those carbs will lull you into a delicious sleep. Use 1 packet of PLAIN oatmeal, add ¼ cup of any raw nuts, add cinnamon, and sip sip sip on some unsweetened almond milk.
  • Popcorn. Pop a bag of organic, unsalted popcorn. Pour it into a gallon plastic bag and shake it with 1 tsp of coconut oil/olive oil. Add nutritional yeast (TASTES JUST LIKE CHEESE!!), or cinnamon, or garlic powder, or just some black pepper. Try not to wake up with it in all of your orifices.
  • Cheezy Toast: Toast 2 slices of Ezekiel bread + 2 slices of organic cheese, + ½ a sliced tomato, + pepper, + ½ an avocado if you have it lying around. Careful with the knife, drunkey monkey.
  • IT’S PEANUT BUTTA JELLY TIME!!! 2 slices of Ezekiel bread + a hunk of organic nut butter [almond? cashew? fine, peanut] + a sliced banana + drizzle of honey.
  • Parfait de Nuit: dump 2% greek yogurt into a bowl, add honey, add a fruit, add some chia seeds, add some hemp seeds, add some cacao nibs. Oh, you fancy, huh?

Wake up feeling, hopefully, ready to BRUNCH. It’s a verb, didn’t you know? Stay tuned for a blog post about #winning at Brunch…

Essentially Yours,

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