(But your hurricane belly is still a Category 5)
I’ve received reports from the National Snack Center that the debris of non #essenceapproved hurricane fare in your pantry may be worse than the debris outside your home. How to get back your pre-Irma bod, you ask? 
The ESSENCE NUTRITION RELIEF AGENCY [ENRA] recommends:
- All of those water bottles you hoarded? START DRINKING THEM. They will flush you out, hydrate you, hydrate your skin, and help your digestion along.
- Take a probiotic. Your microbiota (all the little creatures that live in your gut) feed on fibers, especially those from fruit/veggies/nuts/seeds which you may have neglected, and now they want some friends. I like RenewLife 30 Billion.
- Speaking of fruit and veggies, get your tush back the grocery store and stock up on ALL SORTS of fruits and veggies. The most watery ones tend to feel the best after a binge – think watermelon, pineapple, grapes, kiwi, cucumbers, tomatoes, celery, etc. Want creative snacks? If you’re not a whiz in the kitch, Thrive Market has some dank #essenceapproved snacks. COUPON FOR 25% OFF YOUR FIRST PURCHASE, HERE.
- AVOID alcohol and caffeine. Drink teas without caffeine – favorites – hibiscus, rooibos, and chamomile. They’re soothing. And do not add ANYTHING to them. They’re flavorful enough!
- Avoid dairy, anything breaded/fried, wheat, salt, and anything processed. If you want to have some PLAIN kefir (unflavored), go on with your bad self.
- SWEAT!! Resume your movin’ and shakin’ routine to help your body get back on track.
As a food safety reminder, if your power went out, THROW AWAY EVERY SINGLE THING IN YOUR REFRIGERATOR/FREEZER. This is not the time to risk your life for your expensive cashew butter. EVERYTHING can be replaced. RIP my artisanal cheese collection.