A Girl Has No Coffee (Why People Who Quit Coffee are Wrong and Sad)

A

I WILL GRIND YOUR BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD, er, grind your v expensive artisanal 🇨🇴 beans to make my ☕️ .

From the day I accidentally bought 26 dollars of ☕️ beans and was like… f…Now what, and then emergency purchased a bean grinder, I do not know how I deigned to drink murky stale ground ☕️ mud before this. (It’s the small celebrations in quarantine that render happiness, you know?)

☝🏼 but like, nutrition + ☕️- because that’s why you’re here. 😆

☕️ is 🦋 FOOOODD (butterflies being our practice’s logo/affectionate way we refer to our dietitians & clients.)

🧠 it’s neuroprotective (brain health),

💪🏻 ergogenic (enhances athletic performance, legally, whew),

🚽 bowel stimulating (y’all know you are constipated in quarantine..),

🌊 hydrating (that “it’s a diuretic” thing is really more myth than truth.. it’s very mild), 🎉 and an opportunity to add nutrition into your life (via the milks/alternative milks/spices/herbs/extracts you are adding into your ☕️ .)

☕️ beans are PLANTS! 🍃 YAY! antioxidants, phytochemicals (plant chemicals).. lots of beneficial anti-inflammatory perks (HAR HAR HAR) in those beans.

☝🏼 ☕️ also, it makes you nice to people. which is rad. bc without my morning coffee, i have RBF (resting BERNIE SANDERS WITH THE MITTENS face). and i’m sassy at baseline, so sans caffeine, i’m gnarly.  

☕ things to avoid in coffee: 👽 creamers (like, a creamer that isn’t just… real cream..),

SKIM MILK EW IT TASTES LIKE DIRTY WATER (use milk with fat!), sweetened nut milks, artificial sweeteners, non-nutritive sweeteners (lookin’ at u, stevia/monk fruit if you aren’t diabetic…), syrups (vanilla / mint  / almond extract is fine!)

😢 why can’t you just add milk/cream to coffee  ? or drink it black? 🤦🏻‍♀️

also; true story; accidentally added rum to my coffee once and it was.. Magically delicious.